Japan's SM Police! Why in the World are the Japanese Police Raiding SM Clubs? A Policeman is Caught Naked in One of Them! Ridiculous Laws Must Stop!

I hate to sound like a broken record, but why in the world are the police wasting time and taxpayers monies on chasing people around for victimless "crimes" like smoking herbs, prostitution, gambling, paying for sex and other "favors," and now standing around naked at a Sadomasochist club? You got to be kidding me!

Japanese Dominatrix: Beautiful and sexy Japanese girl? Yes... But not my type... 

Different strokes for different folks, I guess... Me? I've never been one for pain. 

Pain hurts. Funny that; I don't like things that hurt... 

(Probably wouldn't kick her outta bed for eating rice crackers, tho')  

It gets worse and just shows how stupid and hypocritical our masters and the police are in that, at this particular raid on said SM club, one of the 15 patrons arrested was an off-duty police officer! (I wonder how many of those other tax-feeding cops are involved in other so-called "illegal" past-times when they are not busy crashing parties and bizarre past times that other people are involved in?)


Hell, they arrest people for getting their jollies at an SM club? What the heck? Why don't they arrest people for going out and wasting a full day at a golf course too? If you ask me, that is a waste of time. As Mark Twain said, "Golf is a good walk spoiled."

I don't know, honey... You sure a nice dinner 

and a glass of wine wouldn't be more fun?

The Tokyo Reporter has the story that makes me want to pull my hair out: Sapporo cop busted for nudity during raid of SM club:

TOKYO (TR) – Sapporo police early Saturday arrested a fellow officer for public indecency during a raid of a SM club in the Susukino entertainment district, reports the Asahi Shimbun (Feb. 11).

Naotoshi Okuzawa, a 28-year-old senior patrol officer from the Atsubetsu Police Station, was taken into custody after officers entered Club Patio and found the officer on the stage naked and in the company of female employee, who had tied him with a red rope.

“There is no question that I was naked,” Okuzawa is quoted in admitting to the allegations.

When officers entered the premises at 1:15 a.m., 15 customers were present. Initially, Ozawa did not reveal his occupation, but later investigators discovered that he is a fellow officer.

“We seriously apologize for arrest of a policeman,” said Minoru Okumura, a spokesperson for the Hokkaido prefectural police. “All the facts will be investigated, and we will deal with this matter in a very strict manner.” 

"We seriously apologize for the arrest of a policeman"??? Yeah, what he really means is that "We made a mistake. If we'd have known he was a policeman, we'd have never arrested him. We only arrest mundanes and peasants (regular people like you). We promise to make sure that it doesn't happen again..."


Pardon me for being so stupid, but what is it that they are arresting these people and this cop for? Being stupid? Having weird hobbies? Being a bit twisted (who isn't a bit twisted?) Being naked inside a building? Well, funny that, I have a strange notion that it is inside of buildings and not outside of buildings that people are supposed to be naked when that dress (or lack thereof) situation occurs.

"Hands up! I'm taking you in... Dead or alive! Your call!"

Great. Just great. Japan's total debt is 492% of GDP and our national financial situation is desperate and these clowns are chasing around people with fetishisms and other silly habits. It is even stupider when you realize that the government wants to make laws that are supposed to make us "better people"!!!??? As I wrote in: Man Dies Smoking "Legal Herb"? Japan's Newest Drug Craze and More Unnecessary Drug Laws

The government has no business passing laws on what people wish to put into their bodies. If people are stupid enough to want to huff airplane fuel, drive without a seat belt, drink until they kill themselves, or eat junk food all the time, will we pass laws making that illegal too? (Look at the idiocy in England whereby teapots must be labeled, "Sugar leads to diabetics." (sic))

This comes down to private property rights. The poor guy who died, as with you or me, are the owners of our own bodies. There is no one who has the right to tell us what we can and cannot consume. Guidelines are welcomed, but these draconian laws are a waste of taxpayers money.

These idiotic laws are passed, but our lords, masters and politicians get caught doing the very same things that they don't want the mundanes, peasants and  public (that's where you and I come in) to do because of their hypocritical public stance. Remember: "Don't do as I do. Do as I say!"

Cops? Out of control everywhere!

When is the public going to finally stand up and say, "Enough is enough!" of this nonsense.

The Best Teacher in High School I Ever Had Wasn't a School Teacher - She Was an Extremely Beautiful Girl Who Was My Classmate!

With that title, you are probably thinking about some hot high school "sexcapades" or a story of some girl who taught me about sex in high school. No way. I think those things only happen in movies or crappy Bob Seeger songs. For 90% of the people in high school (at least in my time) dates and going to dances were only things we dreamed about or saw in movies. I was one of those people. 


I never had sex until I was 20, or was it 21?

My high school photo 1975

After so many years of elementary, junior, high school and college and university, I can only remember a few teachers who really taught me something. I had one in 4th grade, Ms. Demuth, in Minnesota. She gave me a Snoopy card once that said, "Life is full of rude awakenings." I'll never forget that lesson. I don't remember any elementary teachers who influenced me or inspired me after her. 

In High School, I had Mr. Holts, my science and biology teacher. Mr. Holts taught me that there's a big difference between playing and doing. And then, and, in college, there was Mr. Al Miller. Mr. Miller was best of all because he taught me about television, how to handle myself in front of people and, outside of school, he taught me how to be a real gentleman; how to be kind and respectful to people - to all people.


Mr. Miller impressed me because he would, for example, talk to parking lot attendants and doormen and call them, "friend" or "sir." He treated everyone with respect. Not only did his mannerism and respect for people influence me, it touched me so much that it set the way I try to treat people all my life. Alas! I am a poor student and I can never attain the enlightenment of my sensei. I think few people can be such a sincere gentleman as Mr. Al Miller. If the world was filled with people like Mr. Miller it would be so much a nicer place to live. 


But I digress.

Mr. Al Miller was the best school instructor I've ever had  

Even though I had these teachers in school, the best teachers I had in school weren't actually my official teachers. Nope. The best teachers were girls I liked. There were several of them. They didn't teach me important things because they were my girlfriends or anything. They didn't teach me anything because they were particularly kind to me. They taught me well because they were only kind to me when they wanted something from me. They were kind to me when they wanted something like for me to tell them the answers to questions on tests so that they wouldn't fail. They taught me when they used me.


I'd oblige them because, well, in my high school immaturity and insecurity I figured being used and then dropped like a wet a dirty dish rag was better than not being used (or even spoken to) at all. This might sound bitter, but it's not. Those girls taught me well and I appreciate them for it. The lesson that they taught me was a lesson in life and, had they not taught me, someone else would have. They taught me the real world.


One of the girls who really taught me well was a girl who was in several of my high school classes named Kathy Dobbe (I think that's how it is spelled!) I'll never forget Kathy. Kathy Dobbe doesn't know that, all through high school, I had a crush on her and thought she was the most beautiful girl in school - maybe even in the entire world. I thought Kathy was a goddess. 


Kathy was a great teacher. The peculiar part about Kathy's teachings to me is that I'll bet we never spoke three words in total to each other my entire junior and senior years.


I am reminded of Kathy recently because, on Facebook, a few weeks ago, I saw one of those dumb "Guess who's joined your high school class Facebook community?" notices and saw that Kathy had joined (I don't join things like that - come to think of it, how do they know what high school I went to???). I also wonder why so many people seem to long for high school days. Are things that bad today? Were things that good back then? I don't think so... But, then again, I wasn't a popular kid in school...


Anyway, from the Facebook, notice, I saw what Kathy looks like today. Well, I am assuming it was Kathy.  I've never met her mom, but I gather that she today looks like her mom did back then. Kathy looked pretty good, all things considered. I think she looked quite good especially compared to her peers. 

Not aging fast enough? Drink soda! Hoo boy! Japanese people don't drink sweet drinks anywhere near the level that American people do. Even lots of younger Japanese still prefer tea. 

Damned if people in America don't look very old, overweight and past their years! Kathy didn't really look that way, but when I see people in America my age, they all have gray hair and are fat! I saw another picture of a girl whom I have known for over 35 years last night. She is a year younger than me but in her photo she looks easily ten years older than me. It must be that processed food Standard American Diet (it's called S.A.D.) that those people are eating. I'm glad I eat raw food and live in Japan where people eat healthy food. (Any wonder why Japanese women live, on average, at least six years longer than American women? The men live more than four years?)


But I digress.... Again!!!!


Unbeknownst to her, like I mentioned, Kathy also doesn't know that she taught me self respect. She taught me that because I had a complex all through high school; I thought I was inferior and shorter than all the (pretty) girls in school. Really! This complex messed me up because I figured that pretty girls don't like short guys. The guys all have to be tall, dark and strong; just like in the movies. Kathy taught me that I wasn't shorter. In fact, I was taller than her by a few inches... Actually, until she taught me, I never knew that I was taller than all of them. I simply never realized it.


Now, you're probably imagining that Kathy taught me this important lesson in self-esteem in life at some school function like a dance. Imagine! Kathy Dobbe and me dancing cheek to cheek on the high school gymnasium floor to some slow and romantic song. It's one of the last numbers of the evening. The lights are turned down low. Everyone grabs their date and heads to the dance floor.... We look into each others eyes and we embrace...


The saxophones start to play... "And they called it puppy love...." 

No. No. Stop the music... Stop the music! I'm not that old!


Think of it, Kathy and I, cheek to cheek, in a warm high school kid's love embrace? Can you imagine it? No? Neither can I. I was enthralled with Kathy but that was it. Even if I had asked her for a date, and she said, "Yes," that would probably be the end of it. She'd probably have scared me so much that, had we met for a date, I couldn't talk. Not a word. If I could utter a sound, it would be like a bird chirping or a wheel squeaking. Nope. Couldn't do it. Just like in the movies. And that's the only part of this that is like it is portrayed in the movies: Geeks can't handle beautiful women. Geeks are always like that. 


It's been scientifically proven that high school geeks' vocal chords stop functioning properly when they are around girls who they think are so pretty they aren't real or aren't from the Milky Way galaxy. 


I suppose I should tell you why I had such an inferiority complex. It's a long story so I'll make it brief. Before moving back to California, I had spent the last 8 or 10 years (I can't remember) moving all around the USA and going to a different school almost every year. That meant that when I went to a new school I had to start over and make new friends... This also meant that I didn't have very many friends. This is hard on a kid but a good lesson in life (that is for another blog post on another day). Since I went to schools in the South and Midwest, I was used to their school system and their curriculum.


Well, I don't know about today (but can't imagine that it's so different) the level of education in Midwestern and Southern elementary schools are a few years ahead of California public schooling. That means that what they are teaching in 5th grade in a school in Minnesota, they are teaching in 7th grade in California public school. So when I moved from Minnesota, where I was getting "C's," to California, I was suddenly getting "A's." Classes that I hated and struggled in in Minnesota, like Algebra, were, in California, one big joke. Suddenly, from being a dumb kid in school in Minnesota (or as my very kind older brother would insult me all my life, "The F-minus Kid") I went to being the smartest kid in my class.


Through high school, my older brother got all "A's." He went to school in Minnesota too (you do the math). So, even though my grades in academics weren't as good as his, I was still a geek, got mostly A's and, as such, an outsider. Because, even back then, in a California school getting good grades meant you were a momma's boy or teacher's pet and definitely NOT cool.


So here I went from being a dummy in school with no friends in the Midwest to being a smart kid in school with no friends in California. I thought being smart was good? Not in California public school it isn't. Can you imagine how that would play games with a 15 year old's mind? 


My high school in California, was a regular west coast high school like you'd see in the movies. You know, pretty blond girls and handsome blond guys. Everyone drove a hot rod American car and had perfect teeth. The ocean wasn't a ten minute drive from school so we had tons of surfers, stoners and our high school also had the standard issue football team and basketball team that every all-American high school had.

Everyone at my high school looked like they had just jumped out of some Hollywood movie. This is Janet and Randy, who were Prom King and Queen. 

The boys teams at my high school were lousy (you wouldn't know it by the "big man on campus" attitude those guys showed while at school). Nevertheless, it was a big deal every year when we'd play the cross town high school's own lousy team in our standard issue cross town rivalry. The teams would basically take each year going back and forth beating each other. The cheerleaders would cry because, well, as you know, beating Cross Town is so immensely important, especially since, as any cheerleader will tell you "...This is senior year and our last year at high school. We must win!" Maybe it was all planned that way... Maybe they do that in American society to teach militant tribalism (it's great for military recruitment)....


But I digress.... For the third time...


I was talking about Kathy Dobbe. Besides the very pretty girls, surfers, stoners, hot-rodders, and football and basketball players, my school also had geeks. I think I was King Geek at my school. I was King Geek because my grades were almost all "A's" and I was president of the Science Club for my junior and senior year.

That's me on the top left, Science Club president. Foolish me. At the time I never thought about dating any of these girls... But they were the classiest (and most beautiful ones) in the whole school yet I never realized it (and, probably neither did they!)

Being a geek in high school sucks because the "cool kids" (pretty girls, surfers, stoners, hot-rodders, and football and basketball players) didn't want to have anything to do with you. The only friends a geek has in high school is other geeks. So, all through high school, I only went on a date twice. The first time was when Shanda Shinkaruk asked me to go to a backwards dance with her (she was pretty too and terrified me also!) and then, my senior year when I got up the nerve to ask one of the smartest and most popular girls in school, Debbie Henry to go to the prom with me. Debbie said, "Yes" and that changed my life too.... But let me stick with Kathy for now. Debbie is another story.


How did Kathy teach me self-respect and give me a better self-image? It's ridiculous, really, when I stop to think about it. Here, all that time, all through 11th and 12th grade I thought all these girls would never go on a date with me because, are you ready?.... I thought they wouldn't go on a date with me because I was shorter than they were.


Seriously. This is what I thought. It was what I believed. The day that Kathy Dobbe destroyed this belief is still strong in my memory...

Only geeks and dorks helped the teachers with things like the projectors and handing out petri dishes. I did that sort of thing a lot. Come to think of it, this might be my first photo of my ever having worked in the cinema industry.

It was biology class. I can't remember why, but Mr. Holts told us to line up to collect some materials. For some reason, it wound up that Kathy Dobbe was standing right in front of me. I had never come that close to her before.  I was an extremely shy boy and would never intentionally stand next to her. I was so shy that, had she come close, normally I would shy away and back off to the other side of the room. But here she was! The girl of my dreams! The girl I had only seen from afar and she was standing only two feet in front of me... This goddess!!!!  


As usual, Kathy paid no attention to me and was talking to one of the other beautiful people, a guy, in the class. When she turned her back to me was when it hit me. I was shocked! I couldn't believe it. I had to get closer and check and recheck again. Were my eyes deceiving me? Not only was I taller than Kathy but I was taller by at least three inches!


You cannot imagine how much that really confused me and threw me for a loss. I was absolutely dumbfounded. It was as if a scientist who dedicated his entire life to a theorem and was completely and totally convinced that this theory was true had just found out that all his beliefs and life's work were completely wrong. Everything he (I) had thought, believed and was convinced to be true was completely wrong and had zero basis in reality. You can imagine how this twisted my mind especially as a geek and president of the Science Club!.... Chuckle.


Soon after, I began talking to many other girls. I began to check my new theory and discovery by use of the Scientific Method: "I am taller than these girls hereby it is OK for me not to be such a loser." I tested it over and over and found it to be true.


I stood next to the beautiful girls in school. I was taller than them. When some of the pretty (but dumb) girls in science class would suddenly take a 180 degree turnabout and go from not even knowing that I exist or actually being mean to me to being so sweet and kind and asking for my help giving them the answers to Biology tests, I started having an attitude. I'd intentionally give them the wrong answers.... Really! I am ashamed to admit that I did that one time but then felt bad about it... After that, if those girls wanted my help, I'd just tell them, "You're always mean to me then you want my help at test time? No. I don't think so." Then these girls would get really mad at me and bad mouth me. I think they got mad because I had always given them answers before so they had come to depend on me and when the answers stopped coming, they thought I was a jerk. They treated me like a jerk 100% of the time from then on.


That's OK. I didn't care. Before that, they treated me like a jerk only 95% of the time excepting at test time. Now they'd treat me like dirt 100% of the time. So what? Their loss, not mine, I figured.


And, after all, I was taller than they were and I got good grades. "Who needs dumb manipulative girls, anyway?" I realized.


Life is full of give and take. Life is also full of manipulative people. I thank god that I was to have this seemingly banal experience of standing in line behind Kathy Dobbe and how that changed my life. It's weird the little seemingly unimportant things that make a huge impact on our lives and way of thinking. From the lesson I learned from Kathy Dobbe, I learned self-respect and self-confidence... Perhaps from that experience I also learned too much, way too much, self-confidence too and exercised that far too often.


But this self-confidence has taught me to be independent and to be creative and to depend on myself. It has helped me to avoid the rat race whereby too many people today fear for their jobs and their future. Of course, I sometimes worry about the future and money too, but, opposed to a company employee who has no control over whether or not they lose their job or get laid off, I create my own work and I create my own income. I have come to, through experience and self-confidence and a good self image, to know that, if I put my mind to it, I can do anything. I believe that thinking that way, and helping your child to do so also, could be one of the best lessons in life that they'll ever learn.

I think the lessons I learned from this one experience are (if you are a student, this is for you. If you are a parent, please consider how you can help your child):


1) What we think and believe is often not true. An open mind is necessary. Some of the things we believe are so opposite of actual truth it is epiphany when we realize it.


2) Often we need others to help us achieve these realizations and epiphanies. 


3) We need to have more self-confidence and to explore.


4) Learning to read and write in school is important, of course, but many of the other important lessons are not taught by teachers. They are taught by other kids, parents and the outside world. We need to prepare our kids better for that.


5) Parents need to tell your kids that they are beautiful. This seems obvious but not enough parents do this. Most parents never do this at all.


6) A kid with great self-esteem and self-confidence can do anything and be whatever they want to be. Make sure your child is that way. 




Thank you Kathy Dobbe and to the Kathy Dobbe's everywhere.

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus... So What About Gay Men and Women?

I reckon that this title portends to what most people might consider a "dicey subject." I guess it is... But I'll try to make this "family friendly."

Have you ever read the book, "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus"? I think it might be helpful if you ever want to be in a relationship and make it last (or even have half a clue as to what's happening most of the time). So perhaps it would be nice if you read it. 


I read it after my second divorce and it was like a light going off in my head. You can find an online pdf of the entire book here, but I've also (poorly) encapsulated the entire premise here. Basically, it goes like this:


Men are very results oriented. They consider themselves, "Mister Fix it." Men want to hear short bits of information and then offer solutions. Women are not that way. Women don't need quick answers. Women want someone who will listen to them talk and allow them to flesh out their thoughts as if they are thinking aloud. Women are looking for empathy. They are looking for a friend who will listen and share in their concerns without judgement or solutions. 


Men want to hear a bit of information then offers solutions.

   
And that's why men are from Mars and women are from Venus; because they don't understand the language the other is speaking. Their communication falters because of language. When the wife wants to complain about work, the husband hears a few sentences and then offers a "Mister Fix It Solution!" 


Wife then gets mad and says, "You're not listening to me!"


Husband retorts, "I am listening to you!"


No, husband. You're not. Not the way she wants you to listen. Seriously, trust me. I'm divorced twice and married three times. I know what I'm talking about (and I've read the book). You're not listening to her in her language; a language that she understands. 


In a nutshell, when she complains, she wants you to shut up and really listen to what she has to say - until she's finished. Don't interrupt her with your dumb solutions. She doesn't need your ideas. When she wants your ideas, she will ask for them...Women are kind of like dominating queen bees that way... (just a little levity, ladies!)

gossip, titter, giggle, gossip, titter, giggle, gossip, titter, giggle... 

This is why ladies can get together over coffee and talk for hours on end about the problems and questions of the day and nothing gets decided; they need no solutions. The best friends amongst women, I am told, are the good listeners.


Guys? Guys get together and complain and immediately they are offering all sorts of solutions to problems. "Well, if you don't like work, why don't you quit?" Or, "Go tell your boss to go to hell!" Or my most commonly used solution, "If I were you, I'd get a gun and shoot the guy right between the eyes!"

Typical male quick solution: "Punch 'em in the f*cking teeth!"

Guys like to offer quick solutions all the time. Many of the solutions are like taking a sledge hammer to a problem when a pillow feather will do nicely.


So this is what Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus is all about.


Which brings me to the dicey part of this post: How about gay people? And, especially, how about gay people in Japan? I'm not being funny or cute here. I am just curious (not that my curiosity matters). Why I ask is that I have two relatives who I am pretty sure are gay (one is a male and the other is female). Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), my gay relatives haven't come out. But if you knew my aunts and uncles, cousins, in-laws and other relatives, you could understand why... Let me just say that most of my relatives aren't the most "with it,"  understanding or the, er, "coolest" people hanging around the block. 

I can imagine this scene, but I can't imagine what aunt Emma would

 say about "Jennie" bringing "Marsha" to Thanksgiving this year.

I like to think my two dear relatives know I don't care. I just want them to be happy. I actually feel sorry for them in way because of the way my family and society can be so judgemental.. I don't appreciate the fact that they have to be secretive about what they do or that they don't come to our family get togethers because they would bring that "someone else" (and that someone else might make some people uncomfortable! Heavens!) I mean, life is tough enough on everyone as it is without people being concerned what other people are doing in their own homes and bedrooms or who they associate with....


But I digress... 


Here's a story that happened to me with one of these relatives about fifteen years or so ago in Japan. This incident has always bothered me since and, had I read Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus I might have reacted a different way (or maybe not....) I've always regretted how I handled the situation and I think it has created a wedge between me and a loved one that lasts until this very day. Here's the story:


One day, this close relative, I'll call him "Sam," called me on the phone. Sam had been working in Tokyo for several years. At the time of this incident, I wasn't sure that Sam was gay, but I highly suspected it. And I didn't care. I figured I had enough problems of my own without worrying about someone else's. 


Why I had known (suspected) that Sam was gay was because I had been in a punk band in Los Angeles years before and we often toured (San Francisco and beyond) and I had many friends who lived the so-called "Alternative lifestyle." So, from that experience, I had met and shared many good times with these friends when they were young and discovering their sexuality. It seems to me that the creative arts and music have a large share of gays in the business. (This might seem sexist but I think gay people often times are quite the excellent creative and sensitive group...) 


Anyway, I remember in 1979 or so, riding in a car with my best friend Jeff (a bassist in a punk band) when we came to the realization that our two best friends (men) were sleeping together and that almost all of our friends (musicians and others) except us two were gay and/or lesbians!!! This girl I used to date was a lesbian too! Wow! That realization blew my mind!


As he drove the car, I slyly reached over and rested my hand on Jeff's right thigh. He slapped my hand away and we laughed.... 

Circa 1979 poster for my band, "The Rotters. I was vocalist back then. Incredibly, those guys are still playing! The Rotters are one of those bands who forgot to break up.

Anyway...


Long before Sam called me that day, we worked at the same company. Sometimes Sam got himself in trouble at work and had a few problems adjusting to life in Japan. A few months before, Sam's mother had died in an freak accident and that pretty much broke him up for a long time. He had been drinking heavily and often called into work sick. He was falling apart. I tried to help but I was, in hindsight, conceited and judgemental. When I spoke to Sam on the phone he was quite agitated.


Sam told me that he had gone to work and, while talking to a client, gotten angry and punched the client. Very bad indeed. Extremely bad in Japan because punching someone in the face is a crime and might land you in jail. Well, Sam seemed like he was headed for jail as the guy he punched was considering filing a complaint with the police. Had he done so, all hell would have broken loose for Sam. Not only would he be in jail, he'd be out of a job and most probably deported when he got out of jail.


Sam was going through the litany of problems he had created for himself. Me, not wanting to listen, I put on my "Mister Fix It" cap immediately and said, "What do you want me to do?"


Sam got really mad. He said,


"I don't want you to do anything, Mike! I just want you to listen!"


"I am listening!" I countered. This went back and forth. Our voices grew louder with each word.  "I'm listening and trying to figure out why you are telling me this. What do you want me to do about it?" We began arguing. Arguing was the worst outcome. Here I was trying to help but we were beginning to argue.

Soon it was a big fight. I realize now that we weren't speaking the same language. When I said, "What do you want me to do?" I didn't mean it in a snotty, nasty and condescending, "Well, what do you want me to do about it, jerk?" I meant it as, "How can I help you to rectify this situation?" I meant to say, "I will help you in any way you wish for me to help you. Please give me instructions as to what is the best way to do so."


Had I been a better communicator, I could have gotten that message across. Had Sam understood my "Mars" way of thinking, then he would have calmly said, "I just need someone to listen to me so I can confide my worries and fears. I need a friend."


Yes. Sam needed a friend. Instead I sent him an entire fire engine brigade. Any wonder that a 4 alarm fire broke out?


That was years ago. I still talk to Sam sometimes, but not often. Not as often as I used to or would like to. Funnily enough, I am the only one in our entire family who stays in contact with Sam at all anymore. I wish he'd come to visit. I wish I could tell him that I'm sorry and that everything is okay. 


The reason why I am now pretty much sure of Sam's sexual preferences is that I know some of his friends from back then who are still here in Japan. Nice folks. They enjoy their privacy. I say let them, and Sam, have it. That's why I don't force the issue.


What is the purpose of this post? I'm not too sure. Is the thinking of men and women different like stated in Men Are from Mars and Women Are from Venus true? From reading and my own experiences, I believe so. I have also had a nagging concern and regret over the incident with Sam that I relate to you above. 


Is the thinking of gay people the same or different from heterosexuals? And does it matter whether or not we are in Japanese society or western society? I don't know.... But now, come to think of it, frankly speaking, I don't care. No matter whether a gay male thinks the same as a heterosexual male or not (as a "solutions based" gender) it shouldn't make any difference to me. Why? Because everyone deserves more empathy and understanding. 


I should have given Sam more of that too. For that I will always regret.

I was going to ask dear reader to read this post and offer solutions and their opinions to me, but now, on second thought. No thanks. That you sat there, quietly, and listened to me was enough... I guess that satisfies the Venus in me. 


Now, I feel better. Thanks for listening and thanks for the empathy. 


Spread it around.

Don't Create Your Life's Regrets: Having an Affair

Usually, at this time of year, I'd make my predictions for the next year. But, as baseball legend Yogi Berra once said, "It's tough to make predictions, especially about the future." Of my top ten predictions for 2011, incredibly all of them were exactly correct excepting eighty percent of them....I predicted Kim Jong Il's death and Manny Pacquiaou kicking butt correctly, but the rest were way off. So I won't be doing predictions this year. 


Instead of predictions, let me state some facts. Such as, "If you do so-and-so, you will regret it" I have much experience with that, so I have confidence in that area.


I am an expert at doing stupid things and then regretting them later. So let me warn you about one thing that far too many people do that they later regret... Sometimes they regret it for the rest of their lives.... And that is having an extra-marital affair.

Guys do stupid things. I don't know an honest guy who won't admit it. I've done lots of them in my life.

One of the really stupid things we do is get married or engaged while still young and then go out an have affairs with other women.

They might be so-called, "One-night stands" but, if they are, that's usually only because the woman wasn't satisfied and is no longer interested in having sex with a dud. Yep. Been there. Done that.

Why we get a fiancee or get married and then still want to go out and screw around with other women is really a head scratcher. Oh sure, I can say that now that I am to be 55-years-old next year, but when I was 16 ~ 25, I, like 97% of all guys who will admit it (the other 3% are liars), would have sex with just about any girl on the planet at any time any place.

Oh, don't think I was so sexually active at 16. I wasn't. I only dated "Handrietta and her five sisters" back then. I didn't actually have sex with a girl until I was 20 or 21.

But I digress. Where was I? 

Oh yeah. Doing stupid things like having affairs. Why do guys do that? Well, it's definitely a problem of not being able to control hormones. That's for sure. Guys have a hormone problem when they are young and it makes us unable to think with our brains and only with our, er, family treasure. 


But when it comes to having an affair that means breaking a bond of trust.  When we make a bond of trust to some wonderful girl (and trust that all women have a little girl inside of them as all guys have a little boy inside of us) as well as her family, why do we have an affair and want to hurt their feelings? Many girls have some childhood fantasy that they carry through life that they will meet some white knight on a steed and we are going to take them away. I think they call it a "Cinderella Complex." We meet this wonderful girl that we fall in love with. Then we meet her family and father and mother who are kind to us; we marry. Then, we screw around with other women and mess things up for them and ourselves!? Why do we do that? What have they done to us that was so bad? Why do we want to hurt them so?


Especially if we have children. Do we hate our partners and children (and ourselves) so much that we want to mess it up so badly just for 2 hours of sex and then weeks and months of whispering, lying and sneaking around? What, are we stupid?

Ninety nine percent of young guys have an excuse for doing stupid things; if they are under twenty five, they can't control their hormones.  But when we are older, have kids and a meaningful job, why do we risk all of that? I mean, think about it. When a guy is married or has a steady girlfriend or fiancee, then why would they want another girl? 


To be totally flippant about it, isn't one girl enough trouble as it is? 

Go figure.

But even more confusing than men having affairs is married women having affairs, I think. OK, call me sexist, but, from what I have read and understand, women don't go around thinking about sex for seven or eight hours straight a day, everyday like men do. Women don't go to bed at night and dream about sex all night and wake up in a puddle.

Nope. From the literature I've read, they don't do that. 


There is a woman who lives in my neighborhood that we've know for at least six years, named Linda (not her real name) who I think is having an affair. Linda has two kids and is somewhere around 35-years-old. I have no solid proof, like photographs, that she is having an affair, but, like I said, "Been there. Done that." I could surmise from what she was doing, how she was dressed and how she has been acting, that she is indeed having an affair. 


I used to see Linda walking around in the neighborhood sometimes, like I see all the neighbors. I am a friendly guy so I always greet the locals. Linda would be walking around with her small children and I'd say, "Hi!" My wife and son would also say hi to Linda and her family.


Because of my job, I don't usually have to go sit in an office from 9 - 5 everyday. I often get to work from home or have very unusual hours. Often times I go to the local Starbucks for meetings with friends and clients and possible business partners. It was at the Starbucks that I saw Linda and knew immediately that she was having an affair. I felt sorry for her. But mostly I felt sorry for her children.


By the way, near the Starbucks, across the street, and a 4 minute walk on the back road, is also what we call a "Love Hotel." A Love Hotel is a hotel that rents out rooms for two-hour trysts. They are quite popular for young people and those having affairs... So the Starbucks is probably a convenient (but stupid) "meeting place." 


Anyway, my meeting with my client was at 10 am sharp inside the Starbucks which is on the seventh floor of this huge department store near my house. Ten am is opening time for the department store and Starbucks. I was one of the first customers in the Starbucks. I bought my coffee and sat down at a table near the door so that my client and I could catch each other easily. I don't usually pay attention to other people in coffee shops and certainly don't look around for other people that I might know so I sat down and opened my computer. After a few seconds, the lady at the table next to me abruptly stood up and almost ran out of the coffee shop. I noticed her because of the way she was dressed; She had on dark sunglasses (inside of a coffee shop on a cloudy day? Hmmm?) and was wearing a head scarf like some woman who was hiding from the police in an old detective movie. It was Linda. She didn't say, "Good morning" or anything to me and she swiftly left the coffee shop.


A tad bit odd, wouldn't you say?

See? This is how women dress (Jacqueline Kennedy) when they don't want to be recognized. If a person is dressed like this, they are ashamed of what they are doing or they are outside on a windy day. Dressed like this inside a coffee shop? 

Now, let's review this situation. It's just past 10 am. The coffee shop just opened. I am one of the first customers in the shop. I buy my coffee and sit down. This woman, who I've seen in the neighborhood (and who has even been to our house with husband and children for a BBQ party before), dressed in an obvious fashion to disguise herself, ups and abruptly leaves the premises without saying "Hello" and she's wearing dark sunglasses inside a building?!


What's that say to you? Circumstantial for sure, but it says to me that she's having an affair with someone.


As Shakespeare would say, "Oh what a tangled web we weave when we first practice to deceive."


Like I said, I feel sorry for her. I feel sorry for her husband and I certainly feel sorry for her kids. Hopefully she has stopped but probably not.


I suspect that she knows that I saw her (and I could "read her mind") as I have seen her around the neighborhood over these last few months but she definitely tries to avoid greeting us and avoids having eye contact with me anymore.... When I do see her, she has that "deer caught in the headlights"  look. Oh well. Poor woman.

It's hard enough in life to obtain this as it is, why ruin your chances by your own stupid and foolish actions?

If my guess is correct, and I am quite confident that it is, now, what does she have? She is living in guilt. She has betrayed her family and children. Did the kids deserve this? Make no mistake about it, no matter how you slice or rearrange it, it is betrayal. Now, she has to live with that guilt and regret all her life. Like I said, I know what I am talking about. I've experienced this.


Maybe it is a sickness of the heart and soul? 


Some will say that it takes three to have an affair: two people to have the affair and a cold, mean or uncaring spouse to create the situation whereby the other spouse wishes to have an escape. This might be true. But it still doesn't erase the guilt that someone like Linda must feel when she looks into her children's eyes.


Life is too short to live if it is full of regrets. Of course, we should live life fully, but we should never betray the trust of those we love and who love us.

I hope that, in 2012, my friends, you can live a wonderful year without misfortune and regrets.


Happy New Year 2012. May the New Year see you and yours happy, healthy and prosperous. Live without regrets. 


NOTE: For you bilingual folks (or those who know about Google Translation), my wife has written a pretty funny commentary and take on this story. She thinks I am imagining things. It's hilarious: 男の勘、男の想像力
http://ameblo.jp/yukarogers/entry-11122144496.html 

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