In 1908, the French banker and philanthropist Albert Kahn launched one of the most ambitious projects in the history of photography. A pacifist, internationalist and utopian idealist, Kahn decided to use his private fortune to improve understanding between the nations of the world. To this end, he created what he called his Archive of the Planet. For the next two decades, he dispatched professional photographers to document the everyday lives of people in more than 50 countries all around the world. Kahn's wealth enabled him to supply his photographers with the most advanced camera technology available. They used the autochrome - the first user-friendly camera system capable of producing true-colour photographs.
Some of the most important of all the 72,000 colour images in Kahn's Archive were shot during three separate visits (in 1908, 1912 and 1926) to Japan. As an international financier, Kahn had established a network of contacts that included some of the most prominent members of Japan's business, banking and political elites. Consequently, Kahn's photographers were granted privileged access to places that would have otherwise been off limits - including some of the royal palaces, where they shot colour portraits of the princes and princesses from Japan's Imperial family. But some of their most fascinating images capture moments from the lives of ordinary Japanese people at work and play. This film showcases Kahn's treasury of films and autochromes of silk-farmers, Shinto monks, schoolchildren, porcelain merchants, Kabuki stars and geishas - pictures that were recorded at a time when this fascinating country was going through momentous changes.
"I was wise enough to see that one can't experience one's grandfather's revolution. Rip it up!" ~ Jp Valentine
There are a very many things that we need to be thankful for and I wanted to share just one of mine with you and hope that, after this, you'll take a few moment's time to close your eyes, relax and reflect on yours too.
The one I want to tell you something that I have discovered the importance of nearly 35 years after it happened! All until this time, I was thankful that I was there and got to see it, but I never fully grasped how I was able to be a part of a bigger picture; a bigger "scene." Now that I have, I realize that God (Vishnu, Siva, Buddha, the Great Electrode, Bob, what-have-you) gave me such a wonderful present that I shall always cherish.
Usually, when you read these sorts of posts and articles about what we should be thankful for, you are given a litany of the usual things and those are things to be thankful for today: Family, a home, food, health... Of course, those are things to be greatly thankful for and to never forget. But, may I ask that you indulge yourself and take a time trip and be thankful for something you probably don't really think about all that much? And, perhaps, feel a little guilty about today if you stop, reflect and say, "Thank you for that wonderful time!"
I'm talking about being thankful for the past. The past that's never coming again. I'm talking about being thankful for the treasures of youth we received. And, I'm talking about giving up gracefully those treasures of youth so that we do not cling to to them like a drowning man clings to straw, but that we surrender them to the next generation with class befitting our age and experience.
I'm talking about our youth. Those wonderful dates, places you visited, things you experienced that only young people can do. I want you to take this morning and reflect for a few moments on your favorite of those experiences; experiences that probably you, and only you, of all those around you know about.
This morning, when I woke up, I thought about my life and how lucky I am; how lucky I was. I enjoyed things that few people could have and, I'm sure, that you can say the same thing about yourself. Everyone has enjoyed something special in their time in this cosmos that has happened especially for them that no one else can, or will, ever experience again.
For me, there are so many. But, like I said, I'd like for you today to think about and focus on one.
Here's my "one" that I stumbled upon that I rediscovered yesterday and it was something that happened about 35 years ago! While I enjoyed it at the time, I didn't realize that it was so unique. Let me reminisce and tell you about it.
I wrote yesterday about a producer friend I have who lives in Hollywood. His name is Jp Valentine. Jp and I have become good friends, I like to think, yet we have never even met. We have corresponded greatly and he sent me a gift the other day that really has stopped me and made me pause and think.
The present he sent me was a book entitled, "Riot on Sunset Strip - Rock'n'Roll's Last Stand in Hollywood." It is a wonderful book filled with photos and accounts of the Golden Time between 1965 and 1966 for Rock'n'Roll music and the Sunset Strip that occurred for a few shorts months.
Here's a VERY short synopsis of the book:
For a brief period between 1965 and 1966, Rock’n’Roll music, heavily influenced by the Beatles and the Rolling Stones as well as American acts such as the Byrds, the Doors, Love, Buffalo Springfield, the Mamas & the Papas and more, displaced cinema as the center of action in Hollywood. The scene appeared out of nowhere, lasted a few exiting and incredible few months and then just vanished just as suddenly as it appeared. The mix of London and Los Angeles gave rise to an eruption of local music and culture at that time. From this cultural explosion, Rock’n’Roll combined and quickly permeated television, animation, cinema and popular culture around the western world.
Here is a snippet of a review of the book that I took from Amazon:
I loved this book because of the way it put me right on the Sunset Strip in the mid 60s, making me feel like I was sitting at Canter's Deli with Gene Clark and then dancing to The Byrds at Ciro's later that same evening. I also love the argument it makes about San Francisco's elitist attitude about its own 60s bands, versus those of L.A. Ask me to choose between The Grateful Dead and Love, between Moby Grape and The Byrds, between any SF garage band and The Seeds or The Music Machine, and I'm going with the Hollywood "cream puff" act every time. The book also makes you feel the tragedy of the collapse of the Sunset Strip nightclub scene, after the police effectively shut it down because some influential people in town didn't like the idea of the Strip being a place for teenagers to hang out and dance to groovy music. You get to know what a magical time and place the Strip was in 65-66, and it makes you want to be there.
Wow! That sounds like a cool place! I love that sort of thing. Jp tells me these sorts of cultural booms happened in London, Paris, Berlin and America in the 1920s, as well as a few other places and times that I was too dumb to take note of. He also tells me that, besides 1965 ~ 1966 on the Sunset Strip, that it happened again, albeit very briefly, on that very same Sunset Strip in 1977.
The weird thing is that I was there in 1977 and saw it and was a part of it! I never realized that that time had its roots in a sixties rock movement in Hollywood.
I knew it was fun and have always been thankful for being there and seeing it and being a part of it, while it was going on, but never realized how it fit in with the evolution of pop music culture in America until I read page 25 of "Riot on Sunset Strip - Rock'n'Roll's Last Stand in Hollywood." On page 25, it talks about the sudden disappearance of the Hollywood Rock music scene in 1966. It says,
"Not even the smallest portion of the (Sunset) Strip would seem vital again until the emergence of the punk rock scene in the late 1970s..."
That really astounds me. I never realized how the seventies punk boom fit into the overall history of Hollywood and Los Angeles. The seventies punk boom in Los Angeles, also, seems to me was there one day and then gone the next.
The Deadboys were one of the best live acts I have ever seen
I wrote to Jp:
"In my youth, I lived all over the USA moving almost yearly and changing elementary and Jr. high schools annually. It always made me a sort of outcast with few friends. I stayed in Calif. through high school but still was considered sort of "backwards" by my peers (even the slang and lingo and how kids talked was different from the Mid West - where I just came from - to California)."
"When the punk boom happened, I used to drive my car, by myself, to Los Angeles and go see punk bands. I saw the Deadboys play, I think it was 5 nights in a row and Sham 69 play 7 nights in a row at (I think it was the Whiskey - can't remember). I liked it so much that I drove all the way from Venture to Los Angeles (about 1.5 hours) every night to see these shows! I loved it. I loved Hollywood. Guess what? I thought that the night club scene was the way it always was and always has been... Now I read that part in the book, "Riot on Sunset Strip..." and it really surprises me that it is not. I got lucky... I stepped into a Time Warp! I honestly didn't know. I thought it was business as as usual... Thank you, Jp. for allowing me to know this and thank you God for allowing me to be there."
Wow! That was a wonderful time. That was my time....
But now, we're back to today... I'm back to this blog post. It's a Saturday morning here in Japan and my family is sleeping and I am sitting here reminiscing about the past, a past they know nothing about.
It is a guilty pleasure of mine to enjoy those memories that only I know about and only I can recall...
Thanks for listening to mine. Now, it's your turn. Whether you want to write it down or not, why don't you take some time today or in the morning tomorrow to sit down and think back? Think way back to something you haven't thought of in years... Maybe it was that time with friends? Or that time with mom and dad when you were a child? Or maybe it was that time on that date with that someone you'll never forget?
Think back. Remember it. It is a present. Enjoy it.
Enjoy the wonderful memories and, while still cherishing them, gracefully give up the treasures of youth...
Be thankful for them. Enjoy them. You have many more wonderful memories coming.
With that title, you are probably thinking about some hot high school "sexcapades" or a story of some girl who taught me about sex in high school. No way. I think those things only happen in movies or crappy Bob Seeger songs. For 90% of the people in high school (at least in my time) dates and going to dances were only things we dreamed about or saw in movies. I was one of those people.
I never had sex until I was 20, or was it 21?
My high school photo 1975
After so many years of elementary, junior, high school and college and university, I can only remember a few teachers who really taught me something. I had one in 4th grade, Ms. Demuth, in Minnesota. She gave me a Snoopy card once that said, "Life is full of rude awakenings." I'll never forget that lesson. I don't remember any elementary teachers who influenced me or inspired me after her.
In High School, I had Mr. Holts, my science and biology teacher. Mr. Holts taught me that there's a big difference between playing and doing. And then, and, in college, there was Mr. Al Miller. Mr. Miller was best of all because he taught me about television, how to handle myself in front of people and, outside of school, he taught me how to be a real gentleman; how to be kind and respectful to people - to all people.
Mr. Miller impressed me because he would, for example, talk to parking lot attendants and doormen and call them, "friend" or "sir." He treated everyone with respect. Not only did his mannerism and respect for people influence me, it touched me so much that it set the way I try to treat people all my life. Alas! I am a poor student and I can never attain the enlightenment of my sensei. I think few people can be such a sincere gentleman as Mr. Al Miller. If the world was filled with people like Mr. Miller it would be so much a nicer place to live.
But I digress.
Mr. Al Miller was the best school instructor I've ever had
Even though I had these teachers in school, the best teachers I had in school weren't actually my official teachers. Nope. The best teachers were girls I liked. There were several of them. They didn't teach me important things because they were my girlfriends or anything. They didn't teach me anything because they were particularly kind to me. They taught me well because they were only kind to me when they wanted something from me. They were kind to me when they wanted something like for me to tell them the answers to questions on tests so that they wouldn't fail. They taught me when they used me.
I'd oblige them because, well, in my high school immaturity and insecurity I figured being used and then dropped like a wet a dirty dish rag was better than not being used (or even spoken to) at all. This might sound bitter, but it's not. Those girls taught me well and I appreciate them for it. The lesson that they taught me was a lesson in life and, had they not taught me, someone else would have. They taught me the real world.
One of the girls who really taught me well was a girl who was in several of my high school classes named Kathy Dobbe (I think that's how it is spelled!) I'll never forget Kathy. Kathy Dobbe doesn't know that, all through high school, I had a crush on her and thought she was the most beautiful girl in school - maybe even in the entire world. I thought Kathy was a goddess.
Kathy was a great teacher. The peculiar part about Kathy's teachings to me is that I'll bet we never spoke three words in total to each other my entire junior and senior years.
I am reminded of Kathy recently because, on Facebook, a few weeks ago, I saw one of those dumb "Guess who's joined your high school class Facebook community?" notices and saw that Kathy had joined (I don't join things like that - come to think of it, how do they know what high school I went to???). I also wonder why so many people seem to long for high school days. Are things that bad today? Were things that good back then? I don't think so... But, then again, I wasn't a popular kid in school...
Anyway, from the Facebook, notice, I saw what Kathy looks like today. Well, I am assuming it was Kathy. I've never met her mom, but I gather that she today looks like her mom did back then. Kathy looked pretty good, all things considered. I think she looked quite good especially compared to her peers.
Not aging fast enough? Drink soda! Hoo boy! Japanese people don't drink sweet drinks anywhere near the level that American people do. Even lots of younger Japanese still prefer tea.
Damned if people in America don't look very old, overweight and past their years! Kathy didn't really look that way, but when I see people in America my age, they all have gray hair and are fat! I saw another picture of a girl whom I have known for over 35 years last night. She is a year younger than me but in her photo she looks easily ten years older than me. It must be that processed food Standard American Diet (it's called S.A.D.) that those people are eating. I'm glad I eat raw food and live in Japan where people eat healthy food. (Any wonder why Japanese women live, on average, at least six years longer than American women? The men live more than four years?)
But I digress.... Again!!!!
Unbeknownst to her, like I mentioned, Kathy also doesn't know that she taught me self respect. She taught me that because I had a complex all through high school; I thought I was inferior and shorter than all the (pretty) girls in school. Really! This complex messed me up because I figured that pretty girls don't like short guys. The guys all have to be tall, dark and strong; just like in the movies. Kathy taught me that I wasn't shorter. In fact, I was taller than her by a few inches... Actually, until she taught me, I never knew that I was taller than all of them. I simply never realized it.
Now, you're probably imagining that Kathy taught me this important lesson in self-esteem in life at some school function like a dance. Imagine! Kathy Dobbe and me dancing cheek to cheek on the high school gymnasium floor to some slow and romantic song. It's one of the last numbers of the evening. The lights are turned down low. Everyone grabs their date and heads to the dance floor.... We look into each others eyes and we embrace...
The saxophones start to play... "And they called it puppy love...."
No. No. Stop the music... Stop the music! I'm notthatold!
Think of it, Kathy and I, cheek to cheek, in a warm high school kid's love embrace? Can you imagine it? No? Neither can I. I was enthralled with Kathy but that was it. Even if I had asked her for a date, and she said, "Yes," that would probably be the end of it. She'd probably have scared me so much that, had we met for a date, I couldn't talk. Not a word. If I could utter a sound, it would be like a bird chirping or a wheel squeaking. Nope. Couldn't do it. Just like in the movies. And that's the only part of this that is like it is portrayed in the movies: Geeks can't handle beautiful women. Geeks are always like that.
It's been scientifically proven that high school geeks' vocal chords stop functioning properly when they are around girls who they think are so pretty they aren't real or aren't from the Milky Way galaxy.
I suppose I should tell you why I had such an inferiority complex. It's a long story so I'll make it brief. Before moving back to California, I had spent the last 8 or 10 years (I can't remember) moving all around the USA and going to a different school almost every year. That meant that when I went to a new school I had to start over and make new friends... This also meant that I didn't have very many friends. This is hard on a kid but a good lesson in life (that is for another blog post on another day). Since I went to schools in the South and Midwest, I was used to their school system and their curriculum.
Well, I don't know about today (but can't imagine that it's so different) the level of education in Midwestern and Southern elementary schools are a few years ahead of California public schooling. That means that what they are teaching in 5th grade in a school in Minnesota, they are teaching in 7th grade in California public school. So when I moved from Minnesota, where I was getting "C's," to California, I was suddenlygetting "A's." Classes that I hated and struggled in in Minnesota, like Algebra, were, in California, one big joke. Suddenly, from being a dumb kid in school in Minnesota (or as my very kind older brother would insult me all my life, "The F-minus Kid") I went to being the smartest kid in my class.
Through high school, my older brother got all "A's." He went to school in Minnesota too (you do the math). So, even though my grades in academics weren't as good as his, I was still a geek, got mostly A's and, as such, an outsider. Because, even back then, in a California school getting good grades meant you were a momma's boy or teacher's pet and definitely NOT cool.
So here I went from being a dummy in school with no friends in the Midwest to being a smart kid in school with no friends in California. I thought being smart was good? Not in California public school it isn't. Can you imagine how that would play games with a 15 year old's mind?
My high school in California, was a regular west coast high school like you'd see in the movies. You know, pretty blond girls and handsome blond guys. Everyone drove a hot rod American car and had perfect teeth. The ocean wasn't a ten minute drive from school so we had tons of surfers, stoners and our high school also had the standard issue football team and basketball team that every all-American high school had.
Everyone at my high school looked like they had just jumped out of some Hollywood movie. This is Janet and Randy, who were Prom King and Queen.
The boys teams at my high school were lousy (you wouldn't know it by the "big man on campus" attitude those guys showed while at school). Nevertheless, it was a big deal every year when we'd play the cross town high school's own lousy team in our standard issue cross town rivalry. The teams would basically take each year going back and forth beating each other. The cheerleaders would cry because, well, as you know, beating Cross Town is so immensely important, especially since, as any cheerleader will tell you "...This is senior year and our last year at high school. We must win!" Maybe it was all planned that way... Maybe they do that in American society to teach militant tribalism (it's great for military recruitment)....
But I digress.... For the third time...
I was talking about Kathy Dobbe. Besides the very pretty girls, surfers, stoners, hot-rodders, and football and basketball players, my school also had geeks. I think I was King Geek at my school. I was King Geek because my grades were almost all "A's" and I was president of the Science Club for my junior and senior year.
Being a geek in high school sucks because the "cool kids" (pretty girls, surfers, stoners, hot-rodders, and football and basketball players) didn't want to have anything to do with you. The only friends a geek has in high school is other geeks. So, all through high school, I only went on a date twice. The first time was when Shanda Shinkaruk asked me to go to a backwards dance with her (she was pretty too and terrified me also!) and then, my senior year when I got up the nerve to ask one of the smartest and most popular girls in school, Debbie Henry to go to the prom with me. Debbie said, "Yes" and that changed my life too.... But let me stick with Kathy for now. Debbie is another story.
How did Kathy teach me self-respect and give me a better self-image? It's ridiculous, really, when I stop to think about it. Here, all that time, all through 11th and 12th grade I thought all these girls would never go on a date with me because, are you ready?.... I thought they wouldn't go on a date with me because I was shorter than they were.
Seriously. This is what I thought. It was what I believed. The day that Kathy Dobbe destroyed this belief is still strong in my memory...
Only geeks and dorks helped the teachers with things like the projectors and handing out petri dishes. I did that sort of thing a lot. Come to think of it, this might be my first photo of my ever having worked in the cinema industry.
It was biology class. I can't remember why, but Mr. Holts told us to line up to collect some materials. For some reason, it wound up that Kathy Dobbe was standing right in front of me. I had never come that close to her before. I was an extremely shy boy and would never intentionally stand next to her. I was so shy that, had she come close, normally I would shy away and back off to the other side of the room. But here she was! The girl of my dreams! The girl I had only seen from afar and she was standing only two feet in front of me... This goddess!!!!
As usual, Kathy paid no attention to me and was talking to one of the other beautiful people, a guy, in the class. When she turned her back to me was when it hit me. I was shocked! I couldn't believe it. I had to get closer and check and recheck again. Were my eyes deceiving me? Not only was I taller than Kathy but I was taller by at least three inches!
You cannot imagine how much that really confused me and threw me for a loss. I was absolutely dumbfounded. It was as if a scientist who dedicated his entire life to a theorem and was completely and totally convinced that this theory was true had just found out that all his beliefs and life's work were completely wrong. Everything he (I) had thought, believed and was convinced to be true was completely wrong and had zero basis in reality. You can imagine how this twisted my mind especially as a geek and president of the Science Club!.... Chuckle.
Soon after, I began talking to many other girls. I began to check my new theory and discovery by use of the Scientific Method: "I am taller than these girls hereby it is OK for me not to be such a loser." I tested it over and over and found it to be true.
I stood next to the beautiful girls in school. I was taller than them. When some of the pretty (but dumb) girls in science class would suddenly take a 180 degree turnabout and go from not even knowing that I exist or actually being mean to me to being so sweet and kind and asking for my help giving them the answers to Biology tests, I started having an attitude. I'd intentionally give them the wrong answers.... Really! I am ashamed to admit that I did that one time but then felt bad about it... After that, if those girls wanted my help, I'd just tell them, "You're always mean to me then you want my help at test time? No. I don't think so." Then these girls would get really mad at me and bad mouth me. I think they got mad because I had always given them answers before so they had come to depend on me and when the answers stopped coming, they thought I was a jerk. They treated me like a jerk 100% of the time from then on.
That's OK. I didn't care. Before that, they treated me like a jerk only 95% of the time excepting at test time. Now they'd treat me like dirt 100% of the time. So what? Their loss, not mine, I figured.
And, after all, I was taller than they were and I got good grades. "Who needs dumb manipulative girls, anyway?" I realized.
Life is full of give and take. Life is also full of manipulative people. I thank god that I was to have this seemingly banal experience of standing in line behind Kathy Dobbe and how that changed my life. It's weird the little seemingly unimportant things that make a huge impact on our lives and way of thinking. From the lesson I learned from Kathy Dobbe, I learned self-respect and self-confidence... Perhaps from that experience I also learned too much, way too much, self-confidence too and exercised that far too often.
But this self-confidence has taught me to be independent and to be creative and to depend on myself. It has helped me to avoid the rat race whereby too many people today fear for their jobs and their future. Of course, I sometimes worry about the future and money too, but, opposed to a company employee who has no control over whether or not they lose their job or get laid off, I create my own work and I create my own income. I have come to, through experience and self-confidence and a good self image, to know that, if I put my mind to it, I can do anything. I believe that thinking that way, and helping your child to do so also, could be one of the best lessons in life that they'll ever learn.
I think the lessons I learned from this one experience are (if you are a student, this is for you. If you are a parent, please consider how you can help your child):
1) What we think and believe is often not true. An open mind is necessary. Some of the things we believe are so opposite of actual truth it is epiphany when we realize it.
2) Often we need others to help us achieve these realizations and epiphanies.
3) We need to have more self-confidence and to explore.
4) Learning to read and write in school is important, of course, but many of the other important lessons are not taught by teachers. They are taught by other kids, parents and the outside world. We need to prepare our kids better for that.
"Vacation used to be a luxury, but in today's world it is a necessity." - Unknown
Japan sure has a lot of holidays. I like that about Japan. I mean, who doesn't like holidays? "Holiday" means that it is time to spend away from work and with family.
Too bad not enough people take advantage of that.
It's a Saturday and the start of a three-day weekend here in Japan. I hope that I can take this holiday and use it to rest more and spend more time with my son and other children....
I shouldn't say "hope. I should say, "I will." I must have the state of mind that "I do" and not "I hope."
"I hope" is a pretty terrible business plan.
Barbecuing trout that we caught fishing near Atsugi
This post is for you good folks with children. Everyone who has children thinks, "Our children grow up so fast." But I think, more often than not, that's where the thinking stops. We should add to that thinking, "How can I add to what little time I have left with these kids?" We must always remember to stop and smell the roses along the way.
My son is now 8-years-old. Why, just the other day, it seems, he was a baby.
Heck, it seems just like yesterday, he was born. I can remember it well. He was born at about 2:30 in the morning at a hospital in Tokyo. My wife's parents were both there. My son being born was a big deal for them as he is the first and only boy in the entire family. Everyone else has had girls. Being "number one son" is a very important and traditional role in Asian societies.
Within three months of first grade, he was jumped up to second grade and his school work load increased and, with that, time with dad decreased. That was almost two years ago. Now, he is in 3rd grade at school.
Everyone has memories like this about their kids too.
My son and second daughter, Sheena
Now I look at him and I just sigh. He will soon be nine. He has his own iPad, computer, friends at school... He goes to Karate class, takes music and piano lessons and spends time with friends. Heck, he has an hour or more of homework every night and piano practice too! Sure, he still likes to spend time with mom and dad, but I know from experience that, from 4th grade, kids really start to spread their wings and will, little by little, stop spending so much time with mom and dad.
Time goes by so fast.
One thing that I saw in his room last night that made me chuckle and remember my own experiences as a child and times with my own father, rest in peace, was a book that he had checked out from the school library. It was entitled "How to Beat Your Dad at Chess." I picked the book up and laughed. Surely, beating your dad at chess is a mountain to climb when you are a boy. Once you do it, you will see other mountains to climb. But this book shows that still dad is #1... But not for long.
I write this blog post now because I want to stress to you fathers out there and remind you that, even though Christmas just ended and the New Year's Holidays are over, that doesn't mean that we should go back to "business as usual." Yes, of course we must work and feed our families, but isn't it also a good time to access what we have and to try to appreciate it more?
Isn't it a good time to slow down and to try to enjoy what we have while we have it?
Yesterday, I met a friend at the grocery store whom I hadn't seen for quite a while. We exchanged pleasantries and he asked about my work and I asked about his. The part of the conversation that really stuck in my mind was his final comment,
"At least we both have jobs. I know a lot of people who are out of work." Come to think of it, I reckon that I do too. We are lucky, we have jobs and we have families.
I know, though, far too many fathers who are chasing the all mighty dollar and exchanging their time with their families for money. I don't mean some of their time, I mean all of their time. I know fathers who are away from their families for months, even years. I think they have lost sight of the purpose of work.
In Japan, we have what is called "Tanshin Funin." Father's are transferred away from their families and miss out on seeing their children grow up. I even know one family where the father lived away for over ten years! Does it surprise dear reader that, ultimately, those parents divorced?
I'd never do that. While I might transfer for a few months or maybe six, I quit I'd quit my job instead of living away from my family on a semi-permanent basis. Why? Heck, the kids are only children once. What is the price of missing out on seeing them and growing with them?
Of course, the example above is an extreme case, but how many of us dads leave for work from early in the morning and do not come home until after the kids are asleep and we do that six days a week? On Sundays, we are so dead tired that we sleep all day? How is that enjoying life and spending time with the kids?
What do we work for? We work to feed and house our families so that they can be happy. How can a family truly be happy without the father around to enjoy all the fruits life gives us daily?
I write down my goals every day religiously in the morning when I wake up and, not only does doing so help me to achieve them, it also helps me to relax and stay much more focused through the day. Who doesn't want to stay more focused in this day and age when our "in-box" includes, for most people, several e-mail accounts that are constantly filling up as the day goes by and consistently altering our priorities? Add on an Internet world filled with Social Media like Facebook and Linkedin accounts to attend? Twitter is no longer for just sending messages to your friends, but it too, has been co-opted into the business world and your boss orders you to use them, or blogs and SNS, to get the company message out...
How in the world can anyone today get ahead of the pile in the "in-box"? Any person in their right mind would be stressed.
.....let me point out that writing down your goals and purposes is like having a sort of road map to where you want to go. When you write them down, they enter your subconsciousness and they cause your inner brain to focus upon the Law of Attraction. If you do not write down where you want to go — if you do not have a map — then how will you know where you are going?
I recently have started writing down two more things in my daily notes. I wouldn't call them "goals" necessarily, but in the effort to create the "Law of Attraction," I write them down to try to make sure they come true. Those two goals are:
1) Thank you god for all the wonderful things I have and all the truly wonderful things I am about to receive.
2) All my loved ones are healthy and prosper.
From today, I think I am again going to add something more:
3) I spend one hour today with my son playing a game or reading a book together.
Dads (and working moms) remember that family fun and spirit of Christmas you had the other day? Remember the warmth and feeling of "family" when you share time together? Isn't there a song that says, "I wish everyday could be like Christmas?" Of course, we have jobs to do and bills to pay, but remember over this weekend and at every chance you get with your kids to make those moments special.
Like I said, I know everyone is busy, so lastly, here's a quick tip to help you:
Trying to spend more time with your kids is tough, but here's a simple way to do that better. Here is a good way to better the time that you do spend together and it's so simple, if even for only a few moments a day:
Whenever your child talks to you give them your total attention; put down that newspaper or cellphone; Close the computer laptop. Look them straight in the eye and show complete interest in what they say when they are talking. Give your child your total self and complete undivided attention. Give them your all. Listen - really listen - to what your child has to say.
Share time now with your children because now isn't coming back ever again. Give your child a hug and spend time with them while you can.
The future is coming sooner than you can imagine. Don't kid yourself. No matter how much time you spend with your children, one day, you'll wish you had spent more. Do it now.
Today is the start of a wonderful weekend. Start making great memories and spending more time with your children today.
NOTE: Lastly to help you more appreciate what we have, please enjoy this wonderful short video sent to me by my dear friend Paul Kitabayashi. It brought a tear to my eye.
... They die that way because they became fathers and then, one day, they realize that they missed out on their child's childhood. My 80-year-old father mentioned this to me before he died this year.
What a waste.
Most men don't realize this until they are in their late 50s through 80s - until they die.
I am one of the lucky few. I realized it when I was in my mid thirties. The reason why I was lucky enough to realize it is because most dads get married and then they have two or three children within a few years. They also consistently repeat the same mistakes with the second and third child that they made with the first child. Then they don't get a second chance. They raise the children together, of course. Not me, my kids are 20 years apart in age.
I have four children. Julie (27) and Sheena (22) were born to my first wife. That wife and I divorced after seven years of marriage and I raised those two girls by myself. I remarried three years later and Wendy was born. When Wendy (17) got sick as a baby and then recovered from cancer, she wasn't able to live with her sisters for at least 6 years due to chemo-therapy treatments so her mother and I divorced and Wendy went away to live with her mother.
I remarried again for the third time and Wray (8) was born.
Julie and Sheena often had trouble at school and sometimes with the police when they were teenagers. I regret that I didn't spend enough time with them, but with trying to pay to raise them, I didn't have the time I needed. I hired several nannies and they raised them. One nanny was the main one, but she wasn't full-time. I will always regret that I missed their childhood and didn't spend the time with them that I should have.
So, one day, my second wife, a wonderful woman, married me and my two daughters and Wendy was born.
When Wendy got cancer, I was devastated. One day she was fine. The next day she couldn't walk. A few days later she was in the hospital for the next 2 years. Then, when she was released she had to move away to save her life. I will always regret that I missed her childhood and didn't spend the time with her that I could have.
But, like I said, I am lucky. God gave me more chances (so, perhaps there is a silver lining to divorce). I don't want to miss Wray's childhood. When he was born, I often took care of him. I spent time with him and took him for walks everyday for the first two years in his baby carriage. Then, from age 1 1/2 until 7, I went to bed with him every night at 8 pm and we read books together before going to sleep. I make his breakfast at least 320 days a year and eat dinner with him at least 3 or 4 nights a week. I still do.
I always try to come home before 5:30 pm.
I want to live with Wray with no regrets. God gave me another chance I won't waste it. I cannot get back the time with my other children but I can make sure that I don't repeat my mistakes. I will always regret about my first three daughters, but I am trying not to regret with Wray.
You fathers please listen to me. Take my advice.
Yesterday, Sunday afternoon, the piano school Wray goes to had a Christmas piano concert. I looked at the crowd in attendance. I estimated that there were 27 moms and about 5 grandmas there. The dads? A pretty poor showing. Seemed like 7 fathers and 4 grandfathers. With 27 moms, there should have been 27 dads but there were only 7. Where were the others? What is so important that they miss their child's performance?
The children all performed their hearts out and smiled brightly when their performances ended. Even when it wasn't my son playing, I cried at some of the performances.
Here were these innocent, pure and bright young children playing their hearts out for their moms and dads and grandmas and grandpas. Oh what a joyous occasion it was.
What an even more joyous occasion it could have been had those other 20 fathers bothered to attend. I wonder if any of those fathers were you, dear reader? Or were they you at a different time at a different occasion?
Where were those fathers? Were they Golfing? At home sleeping? Working? Like I said, ultimately what is more important to all of us than our children?
Think about it my friends, what do we work for? Why do we chase the all mighty dollar?
We do it to give our families a place to live and a roof over their heads and food and a happy family.
Think about that last part, "... a happy family." Is a family truly happy when the father is not around? Take, for example this Christmas concert. How many Christmas concerts will your 8-year-old son or daughter perform at? Well, when you stop to think about it, kids are only eight once and Christmas comes only once a year.... That means once.
How often can you go golfing or work or sleep on the couch?
I hope that you, in the New Year, will think about what I am saying. Like I wrote, very few people have the luck to have raised children that are 20 years apart in age. I do. Listen to what I say.
Share time now with your children because now isn't coming back ever again. Give your child a hug and spend time with them while you can.
The future is coming sooner than you can imagine. Don't kid yourself. No matter how much time you spend with your children, one day, you'll wish you had spent more. Do it now.
